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26 July 2009 @ 05:32 pm
I didn't really know what a "Mary Kay" party was. I went because my aunt wrote "This means a lot to me" on the invitation. I knew make-up was involved but, if it was anything like a Tupperware party, I could mostly sit in a corner and think about vampires for two hours.

But no. A Mary Kay party is like being trapped in a surreal Lifetime birth control commercial. Trapped at a dining room table with an ethnically diverse group of strange women, a center piece on the table that that looked like it'd been stolen out of a Pier One Imports display window. Everyone had one of those swivel mirrors that blows you up really huge on one side so you can see your pores. There were shallow finger bowls of water and "kabuki brushes" and an old lady with her skin all stretched tight and too much make-up on using phrases you don't generally hear in real life, just on Home Shopping Channel.

I don't wear make-up. Ever. I don't own any except for some black lipstick and some white greasepaint I used one Halloween. I knew I wouldn't be making any purchases - even if it had been a Dildos and jRPGs party, I'm broke - so I tried not to use any of the resources available. I ate no snacks and drank no beverages. When tight skin lady started assigning foundations to everyone I was like, "No, ma'am, I don't wear make-up, thanks!"

Tight Skin Lady (TSL): That's interesting, Ashley! But let me ask you, if I left a glass of water outside overnight, would you drink it the next day?
Me: Sure.
TSL: *befuddlement*
Me: Um, no?
TSL: That's right! But why wouldn't you drink it?
Me: Uh. Hrmm. A hobo might have peed in it?
TSL: *again, deviation from script, befuddlement, table full of o_o's*
Me: I... I don't know... zombies are cool.
TSL: But it might have rained! Or insects might have flown into the glass! Pollutants might have infused the water with pollution!
Me: You mean pollution?
TSL: Pollution!

At one point TSL had us use this gritty skin-polishing stuff on only half of our faces so we could see the "miraculous" difference it made compared to the old, ugly half. The lady across from me was super ancient and had a cool two-hundred year old prune visage. TSL asked me if I didn't think she looked much improved after the dead skin had been sloughed off half her head and I said sure, like Two-Face. Then TSL asked what that meant. SHE ASKED WHAT THAT MEANT! No one at the table knew who Two-Face was!

So next time I get a Mary Kay party invitation, I'm killing myself.
26 July 2009 @ 01:52 pm

I have to go to a fucking Mary Kay party now.
Current Music: The Dracula X Chronicles OST
10 July 2009 @ 01:03 pm
Got this off mullenkamp.

• Post ten of any pictures currently on your hard drive that you think are self-expressive.

• NO CAPTIONS!!! It must be like we're speaking with images and we have to interpret your visual language just like we have to interpret your words.

• They must ALREADY be on your hard drive - no googling or flickr! They have to have been saved to your folders sometime in the past. They must be something you've saved there because it resonated with you for some reason.

• You do NOT have to answer any questions about any of your pictures if you don't want to. You can make them as mysterious as you like. Or you can explain them away as much as you like.

Wound up being mostly old photos... they make me larfCollapse )
Current Music: Vaughn Williams - In the Fern Country
07 July 2009 @ 11:42 pm
Except for Fox letting me read the conclusion of her story, everything and everyone on the internet is pissing me off tonight. If it isn't whining Christians it's whining atheists. Whining from either side is fucktastically irritating. If it isn't trite superhero comics it's trite comics recycling zombies, or giant robots, or some manner of mythology AGAIN in a way that the author thinks everyone's gonna find super neato cool! And they probably WILL because the people of this sad world are so starved for culture and so glutted on the empty calories of Hollywood and the corporate world that half the stories on CNN today concerned Michael Jackson, and Transformers 2 broke box office records. Holy shit, planet earth, if koala bears drank Penzoil I'd suck a fern upside-down.


On nights like this I wish I was Murkoph. Murkoph would find a sparsely populated street, track down the nearest thing with a pulse, and explore the texture of its insides. Being a pacifist though, I'd have to settle for doing this to a cat but cats don't count. CATS DON'T COUNT.
05 July 2009 @ 10:24 pm

She has a lower lip, she just seems to be digesting it in this picture.
Current Music: Half-Blood Prince Soundtrack
12 June 2009 @ 02:08 pm
Desktop meme!
001: Anyone who looks at this entry has to post this meme and their current wallpaper at their LiveJournal.
002: Explain in five sentences why you're using that wallpaper.
003: Don't change your wallpaper before doing this. The point is to see what you had on.

1 - i lik boats
2 - I must have at least mildly monochromatic wallpapers or I break out in hives.
3 - Though I have two monitors I don't bother with widescreen wallpapers - each monitor is at a different resolution and 'twould have to be customized.
4 - I don't know who the artist here is but I believe this is concept art from a vidya game.
5 - BOOM BOOM BOOM splassssh! splinter! kkrrraaaaaaak! "Sweet Bess, ne'er will I again see your faaaaaarrrgh!"
Current Music: Divers film scores
04 June 2009 @ 12:52 pm

Though I loathe G4 almost as a rule, this douche hat actually expresses my thoughts on yesterday's Castlevania: Lord of Shadows preview quite well. I will say this now and I mean it - if I find out that Konami has let IGA go I will never buy another Konami game. I don't care if they come out with a Castlevania title that washes your car or a Silent Hill game that brings you to a shuddering orgasm. Konami and I will be done.

In news not related to geeky raving, the wedding is Saturday and it's still going to suck. Tommy will be in St. Pete for a few days tomorrow though and we're gonna get crab legs! Woo!
Current Music: Collective Soul - The World I Know
02 June 2009 @ 04:07 pm
Sony clearly won E3 this year.

God of War 3 still looks fucking fantastic and if I'm less poor next March, I'ma buy a PS3 for it, I reckon.

FFXIV - THAT'S FOURTEEN - fucking FLOORED me when it was announced and then the COCKSUCKERS SAID IT WAS ONLINE! GYEYEYEYWAYDHAHGOISjdf;oaijerfa!!

I still have no interest in FFXIII.

ModRacers looks really fun!

The PSP Go is cool, but unnecessary.

Sony's motion control prototype excites me in a way the stupid Wii never did.

Go Sony!
Current Mood: Kinda excited!
28 May 2009 @ 09:26 pm
This is bullshit of the highest order. And if you think it doesn't effect you, take another look at all the bishounen in your hentai or yaoi collection and ask yourself how old your grandmother would guess those characters to be.

I'm so enraged over this I could burn a few flags. This isn't supposed to be a country where someone is prosecuted for the manner of drawn imagery they enjoy collecting or looking at.
Current Mood: angry
27 May 2009 @ 11:56 am
I've smashed windows out of stores
And I've organised riots for maybe a few
And I've harboured fugitives - and I'll harbour more!
And I've conspired against heads of state

But the only thing I've done that I ever thought was wrong
Was walking away from you

I've thrown rocks at the cops
Hell, I've thrown cops at the rocks
And I've thrown kids - little kids! - from moving trains
Hell, I've thrown little kids in front of moving trains

But the only thing I've done that I ever thought was wrong
Was walking away from you

So take me back, I promise to be good
If you take me back you can name anyone
I'll slit their throats and bury all their bones
And burn down their house and make orphans of their kids

Cause the only thing I've done that I ever thought was wrong
Was walking away from you

Magpie Killjoy. It's pretty much all like this :3 Recommended.
Current Music: Magpie Killjoy